Piggy Tails

What’s a Piggy Tail?  It’s a story, but a special kind of story.  It’s not a fairy tale, but a piggy tail, which is even boartter.  Piggy tails are stories, like fairy tales, but with a twist – the kind of twist that only a curly piggy tail can have!  They poke fun at people (and pigs) in a fun and friendly kind of way, and they make you thoink and loin.  (As mentioned in this website in the section about the Piggish Language, “thoink” means “think” and “loin” means “learn”).  That’s another thing about piggy tails that makes them different – and more amusing; they use lots of words from the Piggish language.  Piggy tails are great stories because they always have more than one message and, like we said, they always have an original piggy tail kind of twist at the end.  The following is a classic example:

The Gingerbread Ham

(As told by Stanley Pork)

Here is a brief introduction/sample of a Piggy Tail we’re currently working on. (Watch out for it in bookstores in the future).

But fwurst, don’t forget that this is just a story.  It’s not real.  Any similarity between the great story we’re aboart to tell and real places, people or organizations is completely co-oinkidental and a pigment of your imagination.  Read our piggy lips: “It’s not real – it’s just story.”

Also, copyright belongs to CanOINKian Comics, so All Rights Reserved! (That’s right, we’re piggy, so we’re not sharing.  Thanks for just reading it on this website and for not copying).

Once a hog-a-time there lived a little old sow and a little old hog. The sow’s name was Mrs. Lardy and the hog’s name was Mr. Gentleham. They were pigs. They were real pigs.  They liked to burp, they liked to snort, they farted lots and they were very messy. Mrs. Lardy and Mr. Gentleham worked in a boarkery, which is a kind of store where pigs bake cookies, breads, cake and other things. They loved baking because they could make a mess and then pig out and eat whatever they made. …

One day Mrs. Lardy and Mr. Gentleham decided they would bake some cookies; no, actually, they decided to bake just one cookie, but not any old cookie – a special cookie. They decided to bake a cookie out of gingerbread dough and give the cookie arms, legs and a piggy head. They decided to bake a …, yes, you guessed it, … a Gingerbread Ham!

They threw white, non-whole wheat flour in a bowl, spilling half of it on the floor.  That was fun, and they didn’t care if they wasted stuff.  (They could always sweep it up some other day and bake something with it later).  They then added a whack of hydrogenated margarine, plus some butter, … oh, and some lard loaded with cholesterol and saturated and trans fats.  They also mixed in lots of refined white sugar, a bunch of egg yolks, and lots and lots of salt.  Taste was what was important – who cared if some of the ingredients weren’t so good for you.  The final ingredients were some baking sowder, ginger spice, and a container of sticky molasses (which they half-spilled on the floor and didn’t bother to wipe up).  They made the dough, shaped it into a pig shape, put the Gingerbread Ham on a pan and popped him in the oven.  While they waited for the cookie to bake, instead of cleaning up, they wiped their snouts on their sleeves, squealed with anticipation and licked all their fingers.  Working in a boarkery could be sow much fun!

The smell of baking gingerbread floated through the air, out the window and into the street.  Little piggies walking by smelled the wonderful smells, stopped and came into the store.  Soon the boarkery was full of little pigs.  Being very social creatures, while they looked on and waited, the crowd chatted and squealed and had a really swine time. …

Anyways, aboart half an hour later, Mrs. Lardy opened the oven door to take the Gingerbread Ham out when, suddenly, you’d never guess it, but the cookie jumped off the pan, out of the oven and onto the floor.  He wiggled his little piggy tail (see I told you there would be a twist), stretched, grabbed some icing and candies to stick on his boardy, let out a loud oink, took a second to admire himself in the mirror, and then raced out the door.

“Hey!” yelled little old Mrs. Lardy. “Hey!” yelled little old Mr. Gentleham. “Come boarck!”

And do you know what the little cookie guy yelled back as he continued to run away?  No, he didn’t yell “Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me – I’m the Gingerbread Ham!”  No. Actually, he stopped.  He stopped and turned around.  And then, in a big squeaky pig voice he announced, “Lardies and gentlehams, boars and girls, I’m loaded with calories and sugars and lard, you can try to catch me but it’s gonna be hard.  I’m loaded with energy, I want to stay thin, I must burn off my calories, so let the chasing begin.” And with that, the sugar-loaded little Gingerbread Boar oinked a big laugh, spun around and dashed up the hill.

“After him!” cried little old Mr. Gentleham. “Get that little porkster!” cried Mrs. Lardy.  “Me first! Me first!” squealed everyboardy in the crowd.  And with that, the race was on, with the little cookie guy calling out everything from “Run, skip, do a fast jig, you can’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Pig” to “Run all you like, there’s no mistakin’, you can’t catch me I’m Gingerbread Bacon“! …

Now, if you want to know what happens at the end of the story (remember I told you about the twist), and you want to hear all the other funny things the Gingerbread Ham yells out, you’ll have to order the book when it comes out.

(Copyright CanOINKian Comics, 2013)

More Piggy Tails:

Keep your little piggy eyes peeled for some other great original Piggy Tail titles coming out in the future, including:

  • The Boar Who Cried Wolf
  • Little Red Riding Hog (by the Grimy Boarthers)
  • Goldilard and the Three Boars
  • The Three Little Porkers
  • Hamsel and Gruntel (by the Grimy Boarthers)
  • Pignochio
  • Sownderella
  • Sleeping Boarty
  • Sow White and the Seven Boarves
  • The Ugly Pigling (by Hams Christian Andersown)

Piggy Tails: A whole new meaning to bedtime stories

Brought to you by CanOINKian Comics (with inspigration from fine authors from long ago).

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